look no pants
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
