Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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