All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
