I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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