Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
