I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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