I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
