I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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