Banned from zoo.
Again?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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