Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
