they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
