What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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