if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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