this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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