I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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