i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just had sex bonerless
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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