I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
