Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
