i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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