Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
3pm strippers are depressing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
