Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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