the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
