I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
