This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
