i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
