i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
