4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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