Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
