She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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