Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you win again, gameday.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
