I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
