its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
