i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
