Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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