That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
