You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
