sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
