I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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