at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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