My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
