Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
