I think im going to throw up on grandma
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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