Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
