Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
