forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Randomize