I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize