Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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