I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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