Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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