When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
