I hate your face
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize