I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
