I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
