I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
