I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
