I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I AM VODKA MAN
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
