you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
