i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
