I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
