I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
