If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
