i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
