a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
