and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
