Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
