every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
