I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
