just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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