the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my liver is dry heaving
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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