Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize