hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
