don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
