note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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