So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
