the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
