Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
