My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
