the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
